Breaking Barriers: Our Journey of Unconditional Love and Disabilities

Hello, Jhana’s Supporters! It’s your writer and disability advocate Jhana. I’m sorry for posting so rarely recently. To be honest, I’ve been having writer’s block. Unfortunately, it’s very common for writers and other creative people.

Now that I’m getting back into the writing groove, I will try to post articles once a week. I am still in school and graduate with a BFA in Creative Writing next April, so studying takes the bulk of my time. Luckily, time flies, so the quicker this year goes, the faster I’ll graduate. Now, let’s get into today’s blog.

Today, I want to talk about what it’s like living with a disability and being in a relationship. Each person has different opinions about their disability and being in a relationship. So, I want to be clear that I’m talking about my relationship with my other half. Generalizing would be unfair to others with disabilities who surely have different experiences.

Having a relationship of any kind can be challenging. But having a relationship when you have a disability comes with its own struggles. It can be you who lives with a disability, your partner, or both of you. But in this case, I will talk about having a relationship when you both have a disability.

Physical Disability vs Invisible Disability

First, let’s start with defining the difference between physical disabilities and invisible disabilities.

Physical disabilities limit a person’s ability to do things like walk, talk, hike, climb the stairs, carry items, and lift things. A person with a physical disability may also have learning disabilities, which means they might need to be taught in a different way than everyone else. Their thought process is a little slower than others.

Invisible disabilities, also known as non-apparent or hidden disabilities, aren’t visible to the naked eye. These are physical, mental, or neurological conditions that you can’t really see. Someone with hidden disabilities can have trouble moving, speaking, and walking, but the full extent of their disabilities often goes unnoticed.

Both are very valid disabilities. Unfortunately, our society only views physical disabilities as more worthy of our support and attention. Many people consider these to be more “believable” than invisible disabilities.

True Love vs Unconditional Love

When discussing disabilities in relationships, it’s also important to differentiate between true love and unconditional love.

True love means loving someone regardless of physical intimacy. It can also mean understanding your partner’s wants and needs. Unconditional love, however, means loving someone with no limitations.

My fiancé and I met on Facebook. He was living in Massachusetts, while I was in Hawai’i. When I told him about my disability, he immediately looked it up. I was worried that he would want nothing to do with me after learning details about my disability. Boy was I wrong. Some people told him he shouldn’t come to Hawai’i to be with me because he wouldn’t know how to handle my spina bifida. They thought he would have to take care of me like a doctor cares for patients. But that’s what unconditional love means: loving someone regardless of their disabilities. He came to Hawai’i four months later. It’s been 6 years since.

How people treat me and my fiancè

Because I have physical disabilities and my fiancè has a mental, or an invisible or hidden, disability, they don’t think we should be together. Most people who look at him don’t believe he has any disability because of how good-looking he is. He’s also able to do more things than I can with my physical disabilities.

People have tried to break us up before, telling him about other girls without any disabilities. But he does not listen. He is the first guy who sees the real me and does not look at me any differently. When he looks at me, he sees the real me instead of pitting me. And that is a great thing to have.

So, I want to give you a little piece of advice today: You are allowed to be happy with someone regardless of your disability. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-romantic-couple-on-the-beach-7699052/