Overcoming Obstacles: Finding Love with a Disability
Hello, Jhana’s Supporters! It’s your writer and disability advocate Jhana back with another article. I will try to write and upload an article once a week. I will publish my articles every Thursday at 10 AM or 1 PM HST and write my articles on the weekends. The reason behind this change is that I’m usually busy with school on weekdays and don’t have enough time to write. Coming up with a title is easy, but the actual writing is hard. This is why I’ve also decided to look for content on HubSpot as a guide and rewrite it to make it my own. I hope that will help me with writing inspiration every week.
Today I want to talk about how you can overcome obstacles while finding love with a disability.
Challenges of Dating with a Disability
Dating is always challenging, but it can be even more complicated for those with a disability. Having a physical disability has its own challenges. For example, you might not feel like being sexually active or you might feel insecure because of your physical appearance while being sexually active. Individuals with disabilities often face a lot of stereotypes and discrimination that can change their dating experiences. The fear that you might be discriminated against because of your disability can stymie your willingness to open up to potential partners. There’s also the issue of actually telling your partner about your disability and when it’s the right time to do it. It takes courage to tell your partner about your disability. It’s also the one with a disability who will need to educate their partner about their struggles.
Building Confidence and Self-Esteem while Dating with a Disability
Developing confidence and self-esteem takes time and practice, especially when you are in a relationship with someone who has a physical disability. Focusing on self-worth involves strength and understanding that love has no limitations. That is what I am learning in my relationship.
My other half told me he doesn’t care about physical appearance but inner beauty instead. He said, “Yes, women can have beautiful faces, but if their hearts don’t match that, they are really ugly.” For a while, I did not get what that meant. But now I realize he meant this: “A face can change and be wrinkly, but a beautiful heart will always remain the same.” So, it’s about embracing a disability.
Another thing I’ve learned is how beneficial couple’s counseling can be for a growing relationship. It fosters communication and understanding of each other’s needs and desires. Additionally, self-assurance and self-advocacy are crucial in a relationship ― expressing your needs and desires will help your relationship grow stronger. That said, if you communicate well with your partner, you will learn about them. This will also allow you to set healthy boundaries. Here is an example: For years, my other half and I surrounded ourselves with people who only cared about what he wanted. People would always ask me how Rob was and not how I was.
One time in church, another woman once tried to take him away from me because of my physical disability. She used to flirt with him and follow him around like a lost puppy. One time, this girl stuck her ass in Rob’s face when he was trying to eat lunch. I did nothing. Neither did he. He used to flirt with her too sometimes. It was about how he looked at her and the way she behaved. She was beautiful and thin with two children. But she had a husband, which made this whole thing worse.
We were always fighting about her. I was jealous, and it showed. I didn’t see it then, but my whole attitude changed. I kept having panic attacks and always felt like he shouldn’t be with me because I have a physical disability while he has an invisible disability.
When COVID-19 hit and after two years of putting up with that, Rob and I decided to save our relationship. I tried talking to the pastor, but he said I was exaggerating. So, we stopped going to church. We left and haven’t looked back.
Discriminating against someone with a disability doesn’t only include verbal insults. Discriminating against someone can be silent, like walking away when someone with a disability tries to sit by you, flirting with a person because their partner has a disability, or giving you a bad stink eye for no reason.
The Role of Communication and Honesty in a Relationship
During that time, I kept my anger inside. I fought with Rob all through church, and after a while, everyone noticed. I couldn’t keep my feelings hidden anymore. Being in that environment was toxic for my relationship. That was when I found out how helpful couple’s counseling is, and I encourage everyone in a committed relationship to seek help if they want or need to. A civil conversation will help your relationship grow, and you will understand what you and your partner want.
Additionally, the resources I’ve mentioned will help you better understand your relationship. You should find someone who will always listen to you without judgment. Besides couple’s counseling, individual counseling can also be beneficial. That way, you can each work on your feelings on your own terms. If you feel comfortable, support groups are also an option. Personally, my fiancé and I don’t go to support groups, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them; they’re just not for us.
At the end of the day, noticing one’s faults can empower individuals with disabilities to overcome barriers and have a better relationship with their partner.
Image via Pexels
